Dry Up

Drying up ain’t so easy. When I went to the doctors because I had been on a ten day bender (though the time varies in my own and other’s recollections) and getting out of bed required a few beers to be manageable, I was actually instructed by my doctor to keep drinking. My decisive decision to stop drinking was met my doctor with a very measured caution that to do so categorically might be too dangerous. Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome is in part the result of the residual compensatory behaviors of the human neurological system. Alcohol, a natural depressant, depresses the activity of the Central Nervous System, which then accommodates the depression by over-firing. Once alcohol is removed, and the CNS is no longer depressed by it, the compensatory hyperactivity becomes excessive and causes a variety of symptoms. In those that are infrequent and typically modest users of alcohol, the withdrawal symptoms are mild and pass quickly, while frequent and excessive users experience more severe symptoms.

The worry of my doctor instigated anxiety in myself and to undermine that anxiety I embarked on a short study of these symptoms, particularly their sequence and duration. Most of us are familiar with the unpleasant symptoms of a hangover but withdrawal from alcohol for those suffering Alcohol Use Disorder can be more fraught. Precise durations vary but essentially the time frame is that within a few hours the familiar and mild symptoms of early withdrawal begin. Headache, anxiety, insomnia, tremors. In the first day one might have visual or auditory hallucinations. These symptoms can last days, and extend into the coming weeks but the most severe and important symptoms begin within 72 hours of the last drink. Seizures and Delirium Tremens with the possibility of cardiac arrest are the most severe and require monitoring, and the possibility of these symptoms are leveraged by nefarious AA and inpatient intake agents to convince vulnerable people looking for help they need to drop everything and flee to Boca for help (more on that later). So, under doctors orders I continued to drink in a measured and consistent way.

I did stop cold turkey within the next 24 hours and Dried Up under the daily supervision of my physician but it was no easy feat. Fortunately I didn’t suffer the worst possible symptoms and I never have but there were moments of fear and sadness and irritation and a host of other self deprecating feelings that have lessened with more distance between now and then. Now my feelings of alienation, self-hatred, and personal derision are at the normal quiet roar. But the roar isn’t so noisy to preoccupy me and so in my sobriety I am able to think more clearly, or at least more clearly experience the way in which my thoughts on a moment ot moment basis grow more and more disorganized till I am almost completely maddened by the fact.

What I really have more of since I quit drinking is time alone. I use to spend more time in barrooms quietly drinking alone, together with all my fellow chums and barflies, so it is not that I have more time alone per se as that I have more time to myself with a clear mind and nothing much to do. I figured I would dedicate some of that clarity to putting my personal pursuits into something I could share, so as to give a little snapshot into my recent experiences and overall perspective. Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself here considering so little has been done and so little time has passed but I wanted to collect my recent writings into this volume, called Dry Up, titled so because it is what I did, or I suppose the command I gave myself.